6 Signs You’re in a Financially Abusive Relationship
One of the most commonly used and coercive weapons in an abusive relationship -- which has no blade, no trigger and no obvious immediate impact -- is money. Financial abuse occurs in 99% of abusive relationships, according to the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence's (PCADV) Economic Justice and Empowerment Initiative, which also found that 78% of Americans don’t recognize financial abuse for what it is: domestic violence.
Clearly an education on financial abuse in the broader conversation of domestic violence is necessary. What exactly is financial abuse and how do you know you’re a victim of it? This can be tricky to figure out because financial abuse is often subtle and gradual.
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MoneyLion spoke with Dipesh Patel, licensed psychotherapist (LCSW) and certified financial therapist (CFT), who specializes in working with individuals and couples around financial infidelity and betrayal trauma. Patel detailed the following classic six signs that you’re in a financially abusive relationship.
1. Your Partner Doesn’t Let You Co-Manage Money
It’s potentially problematic but not necessarily abusive for your partner to be of the opinion that they are “better” with money than you are. What is abusive, however, is your partner discouraging or even preventing you from co-managing your finances because they say you’re incapable, per the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
“Many times financial relationship dynamics are complicated, however in situations where actual financial abuse is occurring the abusive partner might complain that their significant other is really bad with finances or irresponsible with money and therefore they should manage everything,” Patel said. “In situations where financial abuse is occurring the relational dynamic is often one-sided and severely imbalanced.”
2. Your Partner Is Hiding Assets or Income
“Here’s another situation that shows the imbalance of financially abusive relationship dynamics: One partner is hiding their own assets, income without informing the other partner,” Patel said.
3. Your Partner Is Not Financially Transparent, yet Demands Financial Transparency From You
Full financial transparency is a must in a relationship, but it cannot be one-sided. If your partner demands full financial transparency from you without being forthcoming and honest themselves, they’re most likely financially abusing you. Patel noted that this partner may also be scrutinizing your purchasing behavior while letting their own go unchecked.
4. Your Partner Sabotages Your Career or Coerces You To Quit Your Job
If your partner makes a move to sabotage your career or thwart your professional development, they’re likely being financially abusive, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
“Partners sometimes will intentionally sabotage their significant other’s career aspirations or, through coercion, will get them to quit their jobs so they stay dependent on them financially,” Patel said.
5. Your Partner Applies for Credit Cards or Loans in Your Name
Here’s one that’s pretty easy to see as financial abuse but not so easy to spot if your partner is sneaky.
“If your partner is taking out loans or applying for credit cards in your name, that is financial abuse,” Patel said.
You can find out if your partner (or anyone else) is doing this by reviewing your credit report, which you should be routinely checking anyway. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) recommended downloading your report at the Annual Credit Report’s site.
6. Your Partner Forces You To Sign Financial Documents
If your partner forces you to sign financial documents that you don’t understand or have unanswered questions about or that you just don’t want to sign, you’re likely being financially abused and, more specifically, are likely a victim of coercion.
What To Do If You’re a Victim of Financial Abuse
If you think you may be a victim of financial abuse in your relationship, it’s critical to recognize that this isn’t just your partner being problematic with money but is committing an act of domestic violence toward you.
You can get help by reaching out to the Domestic Violence Hotline to design a safe exit plan.
This article was provided by MoneyLion.com for informational purposes only and should not be construed as financial, legal or tax advice.
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